We Ain't Got No History
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The Daily Hilario: Monday
Third Four Oof
Chelsea 7-0 Port Vale, Player Ratings: Estêvão starts, leads the way
1. ESTÊVAO (8.2) It’s hard to get too excited about this result despite the margin of victory, but Chelsea barely broke a sweat and still romped past third division Port Vale, just as one might expect, so at least we’ve got that going for us, which is nice. Given the way the season’s been going, […]
Chelsea drawn against Leeds United in FA Cup semifinals
Chelsea and Leeds United in the FA Cup is about as iconic as it gets for the competition, and in this year’s semifinals, we’ll get to have the latest iteration of this famous matchup. The Blues were paired with our historic rivals in today’s semifinal draw, following Leeds’ quarterfinal win against West Ham United on […]
Chelsea FCW vs. Tottenham Hotspur FCW, Women’s FA Cup: Preview, team news, how to watch
With Chelsea Women out of contention in the UEFA Women’s Champions League, their focus is now solely on domestic football. Something that should bode well for our Women’s FA Cup defence as only a sequence of miracles would get us anywhere near the Women’s Super League title. The road to the FA Cup title is […]
The Daily Hilario: Sunday
Oof Most Efficient
Chelsea agree to sign Valentín Barco from RC Strasbourg — reports
Valentín Barco and Enzo Fernández shared a pitch last week as Argentina beat Zambia, 5-0 in a friendly — with Barco himself scoring the fifth — and they might be sharing a pitch next season as well, with the former agreeing to join the latter at Chelsea. Or they might not, with the former instead […]
Former Chelsea star Oscar forced to retire due to medical condition
Oscar, or Oscar dos Santos Emboaba Júnior if you’re not into the whole brevity thing, has called time on his career. In December, the 34-year-old was riding an exercise bike at the São Paulo training ground when he collapsed and was rushed to hospital. He was diagnosed with “vasovagal syncope”, a neurological condition that can […]
Chelsea 7-0 Port Vale, FA Cup: Post-match reaction, ratings
Liam Rosenior opted for a strong lineup against the worst team in the third division, and it took us barely a minute to open the scoring with Jorrel Hato finding the loose ball and a gap in the sea of bodies in the box to give us the early lead. Surely the only question at […]
Chelsea vs. Port Vale, FA Cup: Confirmed lineups; how to watch
Welcome to the quarterfinals of the FA Cup! Chelsea have it as easy as it gets on paper, with the worst team in the third division coming to town. So unless we royally mess it up, there is a place waiting for us in the semifinals. Liam Rosenior has opted for a bit of rotation, […]
Chelsea fans’ preferred lineup against Port Vale: The class B daydream team
There’s an entire weekend dedicated to the quarterfinals of the FA Cup, so there’s no real need to rotate the squad for any sort of scheduling concerns. But Port Vale are just from the third division and most of our key players are coming off of a busy international break, so this game does afford […]
The Daily Hilario: Saturday
Overdue Most Hmm
Chelsea vs. Port Vale, FA Cup: Preview, team news, how to watch
We’re back from the international break, and I hope everyone’s had a chance for a nice little mental break as well, because these final few weeks of the season could get very taxing indeed. We begin our quest to avoid implosion (on and off the pitch) with a cupcake of a matchup against third division […]
Chelsea suspend Enzo Fernández for ‘crossing the line’ with comments
In what feels like a fairly unprecedented overreaction, Chelsea have decided to suspend Enzo Fernández for saying that he’d prefer to live in Madrid over London, after also recently casting doubt over his long-term future with a classic “we’ll see”. Enzo’s hardly the first player in professional football history to say things like that, but […]
The Daily Hilario: Friday
Chances Obviously? Hmm
How should Chelsea line up against lower-league Port Vale in the FA Cup?
The international break is over and we are back in action this weekend. I hope you enjoyed your (relatively) Chelsea-free last ten-twelve days. But even for our present condition, this first match back should be a nice and easy one. It may be the quarterfinals of the FA Cup, but Port Vale are sitting dead […]
Mykhailo Mudryk rented out the pitch at Uxbridge FC for training
A couple weeks ago, a brief video made the rounds on social media, showing (still) Chelsea FC winger Mykhailo Mudryk — nearly unrecognizable with a thin beard and actual hair — running around on a football pitch, taking a few shots, and looking about as fit as ever. Fabrizio Romano’s caption was “Mudryk ready for […]
The Daily Hilario: Thursday
Hmm Back Oof
Chelsea FCW 1-0 (2-3 agg.) Arsenal WFC, UEFA Women’s Champions League: Post-match reaction
Since Arsenal were the ones holding the advantage from the previous match, they were happy to invite Chelsea Women onto their half. We were also happy to take on the opportunity, which led to Sjoeke Nüsken setting an unfortunate tune to the Blues’ performance with a missed chance that would haunt us for the remainder […]
Chelsea FCW vs. Arsenal WFC, UEFA Women’s Champions League: Confirmed lineups; how to watch
If Chelsea Women are to reach the UEFA Women’s Champions League semi-final this season, they need to overcome a two-goal deficit that today’s opposition Arsenal earned at the Emirates with the help of atrocious refereeing. It’s not an impossible task but it is a mountain to climb, even with home advantage. We do need to […]
The Daily Hilario: Wednesday
Best Most Highest
Cole Palmer starts for England; João Pedro for Brazil; Italy miss out on World Cup
Paolo runs my favorite pizza joint. Neapolitan style. Hand-tossed. Wood-fired. Proper buffalo mozzarella. The best margherita this side of the Atlantic. He is the owner. And he is the chef. Paolo is also a die-hard Napoli fan. And a die-hard Italy fan. Paolo was not a happy camper tonight. The pizza was still great though! […]
Chelsea FCW vs. Arsenal WFC, UEFA Women’s Champions League: Preview, team news, how to watch
If it wasn’t for some baffling calls from a team of referees clearly out of their depth, Chelsea Women would be heading into this second leg confrontation with more of a fighting chance to beat the defending UEFA Women’s Champions League champions for a semi-final spot. No crying over spilled milk, however. We’re still two […]
Marc Cucurella highlights the ‘discouraging’ reality of BlueCo Chelsea
All is not well on the Chelsea front, that much is abundantly clear. Four defeats on the bounce, three of them by three goals. No goals scored for 300 minutes. More goals conceded than we care to count. A season that’s gone from promising, to concerning, to outright infuriating (or depressing, depending on your approach). […]
GB Olympian Adam Gemili returns to Chelsea as ‘speed coach’
Before he was a fresh-faced Olympian at the 2012 summer games in London, Adam Gemili was a Chelsea Academy trainee, running around the green grass of Cobham alongside the likes of Ruben Loftus-Cheek, Nathaniel Chalobah, and the one and only Josh McEachran. And running was certainly the operative word for young Adam, who would leave […]
The Daily Hilario: Tuesday
Close Lowest Decided
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